Plastic Lunchtime Flow - The Story So Far

[Kiki]

Plastic Lunchtime Flow

Band Bios

Name: Eric Paldermoss
Age(as of jan 1 2013): 24
Role: Vocals/Keys
Songwriting: Music, no lyrics
Nationality: American
Sex: Bisexual

Bio: Grew up listening to the great Indie Rock of the early 2000s. After hearing the song Fronter Psychiatrist by the Avalanches started taking up singing and the basic piano he learnt as a child more seriously. Troubled by his bisexuality, his life turned completely to music and by 2005 was singing at local music venues in his hometown of Chicago. After finishing high school, he went to college where he met (?someone else can do this guy) and quitting to start a band in May 2012.


Name: Lukas Vetovski
Role: Sound recorder/editor, percussion
Age: 24
Songwriting: music not lyrics
Nationality: Polish-Australian

Lukas Vetovski was born in Australia after his parents migrated due to family complications. Lukas was an only child and found solace in recording on a tape recorder his cousin gave to him for his 6th birthday. He would create his own radio show and experiment with his voice.

At high school, Lukas continued to be a lone figure in the music classroom, focusing more on composition than actual playing. In his final year of high school, Lukas met Andrea, his first muse. His first gift to her was a CD comprised of various samples entitled 'Fragments of the Heart.' However, Andrea left Lukas only a few months into the relationship, leaving him completely heartbroken.

With Lukas' achievement within music and the thought of Andrea always following him in Australia, he went to the USA and met Eric Paldermoss in college. Lukas became the tech guru for Eric and his band (once Eric left college). Lukas continues to study so his mind is only occupied by music and its complexities.



Name: Suzaku Karnaukhov
Age: 19
Nationality: Japanese-Russian
Instrument: Slingshot and a gong

Born in southern California to newly immigrated Japanese and Russian parents, Suzaku Karnaukhov always had trouble fitting in with his peers. The boy had a different mentality than most of his classmates, having existential crises and studying nihilistic ideology while the rest of his 1st grade class just wanted to eat crayons. Concerned about his mental health, Suzaku's parents set him to weekly therapy, though before long the therapist himself had to submit for therapy. Suzaku needed some form of emotional expression. He tried writing, but his semi-erotic philosophical manifestos received little commercial or critical attention, though eventually a cult following did build up around them. Suzaku discovered music at the age of 15, and instantly fell in love with the artistic medium. By the age of 17, Suzaku could play guitar, flute, harpsichord, hurdy-gurdy, balalaika, and ondes-martonet, but found himself unable to master any of them. It was not until he joined his first band (after having responded to a local Craigslist ad) that Suzaku really found his calling in music. While playing balalaika with his band at an asian cultural festival, Suzaku lost his grip on his pick, which proceeded to fly across the room and collide with a ceremonial gong. The sound it produced was sublime, and from that day forward, Suzaku's primary means of performance would be slinging small rocks at a gong on the opposite end of the stage. His band was displeased by this, as Suzaki would often run out of pebbles mid performance, and would proceed to sling his bandmates' picks and drumsticks. His band would have no more. Now Suzaku is bandless, with his only friends being his slingshot, and his cult of semi-erotic philosophical manifesto readers.

Name: Wolffy Wolf
Instrument: Trumpet (poetry may as well be lyrics, it was more of an inside joke that I said poetry).
Age: 23

Steven was born in the out - skirts of pen - island. The first breathe of life he took was in a jail cell. His parents were in fact jailed rebels. Growing up (after their release 9 years after he was born), Steven had many complications within society, being the son of known rebels people decided to shun him, or at least a good majority of them did. His only known friends were a good buddy he met in school, his family, and his poetry. He would write, day after day, about the depressing fact that his life was a shit hole.

One day (around the age of 13), he went under the wing of one of the greatest poets that he had ever read an excerpt from. Day after day, he would practice new techniques in writing and all that good jazz. In fact, he only listened to jazz throughout his time with the mentor and so he decided to also take up the trumpet. 4 years later, after his training was complete , he decided to follow in the steps of his parents and actually started a vocal revolution, people would call him "The wolf" because of his sharp skills in creating lyrics and poetry to destroy the government.

During this time, he would hold many live jazz concerts (which were free) for the poor people of pen - island. Around this time, at the age of 18 (1 years after he started his vocalized revolution), he was arrested for littering. Since the police noticed the strong connections he had with "the Wolf", they locked him up with the assumption they were the same person. During his time in lock - up, he made quite a few allies which would hold weekly rap battles. Originally, Steven lost many of these and so people would make fun of him by calling him "The Losing Wolf". This name would stick with him until he won his first championship. At that point, he decided to change "Losing" to a word that sounded similar and hope no one noticed. he chose to be called "The Wolfy Wolf", and it fooled all his jail mates.

At the end of his time in the prison (around the age of 22), he read about a wondrously free place called "America". He decided, through his many connections and allies within the freed community, to get a free pass to America as well as citizenship. At this point (Steven being the age 23), he started a thrift shop because it seemed like an easy enough occupation. One day, two of his best customers, Eric Paldermoss and Lukas Vetovski, captured him and his jazzy essence when playing some personal songs that he had played live back in his home country. They saw him and immediately invited him to join their band.


Name: Emil Vanderson
Age: 23
Nationality: Romanian (naturalized American citizen)
Instrument: Electric cello

Born in Romania, January 17, 1990, to a home-maker mother and a veterinary proctologist father, he was accepted to Ohio University as an exchange student, majoring in marine biology. While in college, he was taken aback by the number of fellow students who were amazed by his skill at the electric cello.
Buoyed by his popularity, he put an ad out on Craigslist seeking to find fellow musicians whom he could join in a band.

Little did he know, when his ad was responded to, he was about to join what was destined to become the greatest band of all time.....


Name: Kryb
Age: 17
Instrument: Bass, occ.guitar, backing vox.
Sexuality: Straight

Bio:

At age 13 Kryb, a young negro lad living in the Bronx, heard Funkadelics Maggot Brain. Immediately he took up the bass learning the bass parts for almost every funk song of the 70s. He left home at 15 and joined a local hip hop collective where he would steal the show every night playing his elaborate slap solos in crazy keys and time signatires. He was sacked for being too good.

After a few years playing in various records, Kryb hitched a bus to Chicago in the hope of a better life. He rode on the top of the bus with only a stolen sandwich and his bass.

After arriving at Chicago, he met Eric Paldermoss and his band playing a gig at a small bar in July 2012, 2 months fter the band had formed. Kryb asked if he could join, and after jamming Higher Ground on stage with Eric, Lucas, Suza, Christmas and Wolffy Wolf joined the band

Name: Christmas Davis
Real Name: ???? ???????
Age: 20
Instrument: Guitar
Songwriting: No
Nationality: English/Welsh

Born in the British Isles, not much else is known about Christmas Davis's origins. No one has come forward to claim him as their child and all of what is known about his upbringing comes from his mouth alone. Growing up he was an only child but was never lonely as he claims everybody loved him. The other kids would always borrow his toys as his father was the manager of a toy shop. While he was sad to see them leave (he saw not one return) he would always let them borrow them because that's what "kind boys do yeah" and anyway his father would always bring new ones home, along with new Tv's, microwaves and car radios. When he was 9, his life was changed forever when his dad became a police officer. Recalling the night it happened as "sad and great yeah" he felt pride watching the two officers walk his dad to the car as his mother cried beside him. He has never seen his father since.

Weeks later he moved into a new house with his mother. Despite the bathtub being green, no carpet on the floors and the broken windows he was overjoyed with this new abode because it had a pet rat. While he was thrilled with his new companion, the fact there were new toys deeply saddened him and he took solace in Christmas, the only time of year where he would get something new. On the Christmas Christmas was 14 years old, Christmas received an acoustic guitar. Initially he used it as a house for a family of Corktops he owned but soon put his rat companion in there. While he enjoyed his new house at first, it died minutes later. In despair Christmas was soon haunted by the ghost of his friend who he claims appeared to him not all white and shiny but as if he was real. Crying one night during another visit, he tried to reach for his former friend to make amends but accidently brushed against the guitar. The noise from the strings caused the rat to flee. Afterwards he noticed the rat would only go away if he played the strings. He soon decided his former friend would only leave him alone if he learned the guitar and in his furry name that's what he set out to do.

Armed with the only album with a guitar his mother had, Stereophonics 'Just Enough Education To Perform', Christmas set about religiously perfecting his new found love. Finishing school at 16 and only ever holding down one job at 'Home Bargins' for 6 months, he had plenty of time to himself. In an effort to expand his musical knowledge, Christmas borrowed a kind neighbors CD collection and Stereo. Despite a fondness for the older man who gave him Bon Jovi's 'Cross Road' one day, he believes he was the one who got the police to arrest him. He was happy when he was sent to a young offenders boot camp as there were no police there and therefore no chance he'll meet his dad.

Life in the camp was strict. The food sucked, they made you run places and they always shouted. The councilor he feared most in the camp was the one named Piston Bostock. Every word which that came from his mouth was a shout, he hit people who either looked at him or didn't and he had a bulging eye which looked ready to pop out at any given moment. One day when addressing the campers, Piston grabbed Christmas by the collar and with his big almost touching his face snarled "If you runaway, by god I will chase you to hell to get you back" This and "rice crispies yeah" were on his mind 3 weeks later when he escaped with a fellow drifter on the night of Christmas Eve.

After saving the fellow's life from an oncoming train the same night, he felt indebted to Christmas and got his sister to make him a passport and a new identity to live a new life in America. Christmas thinks it was Roger but has since forgotten it as he threw it away when he left the airport. In a strange new town and with less than $100 in his pocket, Chirstmas "was as good as dead" according to The Flow's sound recorder 'Lukas Vetovski'. As fate would have it, Christmas, lulled inside by a flickering neon guitar on the front of a local band lockup, found Lukas and Eric packing up after miserable auditions for a guitarist. Upon seeing an acoustic guitar again, Christmas dashed towards it and with passion played for hours. It was as clear to the two guys as the smell moldy cheese and animals dropping that had now invaded the room, this was the one for them.

Name: Chee
Species: Capuchin Monkey
Bio: Lukas' pet monkey since he found him hanging around a park near his home and took him in. Very smart and receptive for a chimp, and having watched Lukas experiment with music through most of his life, started learning the ropes without anyone noticing. When Lukas left for college and started the band with Eric, the monkey came along on the former's luggage.

Sitting in on their jamming and practice sessions, the guys noticed the monkey kept making rhythms with claps and hits on nearby objects. When they sat him on the throne, he quickly understood hitting the drums made different noises. Half an hour later he was rocking out. For now he's not really a part of the band, but he's there every time they practice and jam, and may come to be part of the main lineup with time and practice.

[Kiki]

January 2013 - June 2013

January 2013

At the beginning of the month Plastic Lunchtime Flow met for their first official rehearsal with their full line up. While they had gigged together prior, the outfit had never been complete due Emil Vanderson visiting his parents and the Wolffy Wolf's commitments to his thrift shop. While Christmas Davis getting lost backstage for a whole hour was amusing at first and other commitments outside the band acknowledged, Eric was soon to tire of them and insisted on a more serious outlook. It was agreed by him and Lukas January would be the month they will begin rehearsing new songs. If someone couldn't make it, they would be replaced with someone more competent. All turned up.
Insisting he was tired of audiences who either booed them off or were too high to pay attention to the racket on stage, Eric proposed a group of new songs he planned with The Wolffy Wolf. While 'Sleeping On The Sidewalk' goes down well, 'My Ink Is The Blood Of My Souls Poetry' is laughed at which and was described by Suzaku as "more emo than converse". After a heated discussion amongst such an assertion, it is agreed to put the word 'Converse' somewhere in the song. Lukas insisted the song be made an Animal Collective/Dance song to contrast with the really depressing lyrics. The song would later be regarded as the 2nd worst song The Flow ever recorded and the 2nd worst song ever in some others minds. Despite this assertion, the physical studio recording for 'My Ink Is The Blood Of My Souls Poetry' can usually sell for more than $10,000 but buying it is generally regarded as the epitome of being a hopeless 'Plastic Lunchtime Flow' fanboy and even joking you have a copy gets you completely ostracized at dinner parties.
With rehearsals well attended and almost a completely new setlist, The Flow were looking forward to show their new material next month. The first show is at 'Dandy's Dinners' who promised more than 100 people. Christmas Davis, who had been put in charge of the bands Myspace and Facebook pages, was particularly excited by this and, in an attempt to get important people to hear their music, messaged Barack Obama and David Cameron about this and send them early demos of 'A Lot of Rain (And Consiquently I Am Wet)' and 'Strawberry Trance'. He is dismayed but not disheartened to never get a reply.

February 2013

Plastic Lunchtime Flow's first "show" goes over horribly. Numerous problems present themselves such as the mic not working properly, chee consistanly unplugging Davis' guitar, and levels of the instruments not mixing together well. After they show, they agree they need to improve, and improve fast and so they work their butts off trying to practice everyday. One of these days, while joking around about their first show, they created a song in a bout of genius. They entitled it "The Flow's first show", although not being very original in title, it came off as a very ambient styled piece and would eventually become a staple in their early careers. Throughout the second half of February, they do many local shows at many of the local venues including "Penny'd Pies" and "That one shop across the street". Many of these shows represent their improvement since the first one and they start becoming quite the local phenomena.

In their hometown, they get slight recognition as their names appear in the town newspaper as "A Band to watch", unfortunately, that newspaper has barely any readers so the publicity is limited. They still enjoyed the slight publicity and it has motivated them to continue to press forward in their music careers. They have high hopes that their first full album will be created within 2013.

March 2013

After consistent gigging, comes reward. And the reward the Flow received was not a record deal, but a regular spot at a popular hotel in Chicago. There, they were scheduled a decent pay, and could rehearse their songs in front of a largish crowd night after night.

The bands songwriting continues, with March spelling a lot of groovy Unknown Mortal Orchestra inspired rock being mass produced by Eric and Lukas. In the end, after a few weeks of writing songs that sounded like second rate psych rock songs, the band produces the song 'Love Me All Day' which they believe their best song written so far. The band record the song on Vandersons phone and after a listen think it's good but it needs improvement. This is when, Kryb comes in, plays an elaborate slap solo at the bottom of the fretboard giving it a unique tone makes the song complete

And so March ends, and while the band has written more than 30 songs, they believe only 1 even album worthy for the moment.

April 2013

Following a string of successful shows and a little dealings with the manager, Plastic Lunchtime Flow were allowed to stay at the 'Dordle Door' hotel in exchange for their now free services. Their residence here was a very welcomed chapter in The Flow's early years. Eric took to the new found semi-luxury like a swimming thingy takes to water. Eye witnesses at the time saw him launching himself down the corridors on luggage trolleys, usually accompanied by Lukas's pet chimp and sometime drummer Chee. The first indications of his future extravagance and indulgence were also seen in this tenancy. Eric would insist on having all 20 varieties of soap the hotel could provide sent to his room every day and when there, arranged in the order from most likely to least likely that the things they smelt like were to go extinct. While Lukas would watch such behaviors disapprovingly, it was becoming increasingly clearer the song writing partnership he had with Eric was producing astounding results. The song 'Love Me All Day' had become a clear favorite on the setlist, even getting a person to smile and nod along much to the tears of joy of Christmas Davis, and the band were able to emulate the sound with success on 'I have A Fist and You Have A Face' and 'Lost Me Last Week'. Knowing they can't copy the one song forever, Eric turned to the keyboard again. Upon hearing another resident say "...it was like the fair. It was like a spiral staircase of love" in the bar one day, Eric bolted back to his room and while hammering in the most wonderful keyboard melody Lukas had ever heard kept screaming "IT'S THE SPIRAL STAIRCAAAAASE OF L-OOOOOVE." Regarding this incident Lukas would say "This moment was a real deal breaker between us. Until this point I had been skeptical of his behavior and the direction we were beginning to take. I was reading a text book about Naples and its role in the Neapolitan War and Italian unification. With a massive bang, Eric bursts into the room. I was expecting him to throw up everywhere but instead he runs to his keyboard and produces what... might have been the most wonderful keyboard melody I have ever heard. It was like each note was punching me. Like Spandau Ballet meets Neutral Milk Hotel. More anarchic sound than power chords from a guitar. It was primordial. I knew I was sticking around with him for a long time after that evening." Despite wanting to give thanks to the person who gave him the idea for 'The Spiral Staircase Of Love', Eric found out later that night he had drunkenly walked out in front of a horse drawn carriage and died from his injuries. No seriously! A horse drawn carriage in downtown Chicago! There is even a source and a link at the bottom of this page if you don't believe it! A horse drawn carriage. In the 21st Century. How does that even happen?

During this time, further gigs at 'Penny'd Pies' and 'The One Shop Across The Street' further cemented their place as the new local phenomenon. Suzaku's preferred method of making music was extremely popular with the crowds and 'Plastic Lunchtime Flow' were known by some as "the band where the guy hits the gong with the slingshot'. Eric's onstage charisma and Christmas's and Kryb's active nature on stage were also praised in early reviews.

As April drew to a close, the hotel manager, who had initially been happy with having a live band indefinitely, was beginning to realize such a deal was no longer working for him. Taking Eric aside, he told him he and his band mates should be paying him for further lodging. Knowing most of them didn't have a residence and not wanting to give up his new found lifestyle, Eric made a special deal with him and the next day Christmas Davis, Emil, Kryb and Suzaku were to work as kitchen staff for nothing other than the bands continued lodging. "It was probably hella illegal" Emil later said "But we were happy. We had stars in our eyes for the future and looked forward playing the hours we were given."

Fortune was soon shining on The Flow and on the 28th April Lukas announced a tiny record label downtown had contacted him about a demo he sent.

May 2013

The gigs at the hotel continued and so did the songwriting. On 12 May, however, tables turned. While walking up to the hotel with the band gear, the hotel manager came out and said that the band had been sacked from their regular gig after some of the stage antics by Emil were deemed unsuitable. Distraight, the band headed home, to a small flat they were renting, which all 5 lived in. Lukas idea of quitting college, were quickly squashed.

The band had a week where not much happened except feeling sorry for themselves. Kryb wouldn't even pick up his guitar. During this time however, Wolffy Wolf crafted approximately 100 sad, gloomy poems, all of which would be later used in Paldermoss/Vetovski compositions.

On 22 May, Christmas made a recording of him playing a very bluesy guitar solo with Emils cello in the background. The cries of pain from Kryb could also be heard vaguely after Suzaku slingshotted a bolt into his toe as a joke. The two decided against the others will to send a demo to the local record company, Chizzle Records to see what would eventuate.

On 25 May, the band played their first gig since the 11th. The gig was good for everyone to get working as a group again, with only Kryb sitting out.

For the last few days, Eric and Lukas returned to songwriting, creating very gloomy yet glamorous indie rock tunes. The two were still unaware of how good Wolffy Wolfs lyrics were, or even of the Emil and Christmas demo.

June 2013

After several days of soul-searching, Kryb made his way into the studio to meet with the rest of the band. Lukas and Eric continued the session without acknowledging Kryb until, in between a nerdy rant by Lukas, Kryb picked up a guitar and started messing with chords. "It was strange - Moments like this never seem to appear often enough," Lukas said, reflecting on the moment the song 'Courageous' was born. "Kyrb just created something out of thin air." The moments that follow became a 36 minute jam, which was recorded cue to Lukas' ability to want to record everything.

On June 16 the demo made it onto the internet through a misplaced email from Christmas. After intial annoyance from the band, the reaction to the leaked demo was met with praise by the loyal fans.

For the final week of June, Lukas was busying with college work and missed some studio time. Eric and Kryb took over the recording of session. Unfortunately within a session on the 28th, Suzaku was heard to scream and break instruments for no apparent reason. Suzaku disappeared from the studio shouting, "Minority death is imminent!"

[Kiki]

July 2013 - December 2013

July 2013

After a few days in the studio and 10 songs put down on tape, the band decided to have a week off for vacation with all going for vacation to Utah, driving in Krybs stolen old Mazda. Only Lukas did not attend as he was finishing off some college exams.

On June 8, tensions between the band and Suzaku intensified after Suzaku blew up Krybs treasured bass, the only instrument not damaged by his onslaught the week before. A brawl broke out, with Kryb easily taking Suzaku out almost unconscious. The band however decided to keep Suzaku as they saw his importance to the band due to his gong playing being a key feature of the band sound.

After 2 more weeks in the studio, the band nailed down another 15 songs with now 25 to choose from for a first record. The early demo that had made the internet was still going well, with the bands facebook page hitting 2000 likes, really good for a band that had not released anything or ever posted anything.

The band decided to go back on tour, with plans to go and tour around California. The band hit the road in another of Krybs stolen cars, this time a van, and set off. The next week marked extreme success for the band on the road, with Kryb gaining attention in Las Vegas for his amazing slap solos, Christmas winning fans over with his bluesy guitar style, Eric being a great charismatic frontman with powerful emotion in his vocals, Lukas steady on drums as ever, Emil providing interesting cello background, Wolffy Wolf wooing the crowd with off key trumpet licks which still seemed to fit in with the songs and Suzaku, annoying his bandmates, wooing fans and now smoking pot on stage without any worries.

AUGUST 2013

While there was a fair amount of instability amongst the band members, things were going mostly well for PLF. Their fanbase was steadily growing, and everyone, even Suzaku, was getting along. Unfortunately, in early August, Eric discovered that his long time long distance girlfriend that he met online was in fact no more than a cleverly programmed spam bot. Eric quickly feel into a deep depression, and would scarcely speak to his band/roommates, let alone record or perform with them. Suzaku attempted to solve this problem like he does all problems, by slingshotting it; unfortunately for Suzaku this problem was far too abstract in nature to be slingshotted; he attempted nonetheless. The band tried to record without Eric for a time, but came up with little more than boring (albiet rhythmically complex) experimental pieces that consisted of little more than Suzaku rapidly slinging everything in sight at anything capable of making a noise. In his depression, Eric shut himself up in his room for weeks at a time, consuming nothing but cheap delivery pizza and obscene amounts of ecstasy. The next two weeks went by in a drug-induced haze for Eric. Eric awoke in late August to find himself surrounded by pieces of paper and copious pencil shavings. Though he had no memory of it, it appeared that Eric had, in his depressed fits of pizza/ecstasy consumption, written over 200 songs. Eric ran out of his room to announce this development to his band mates, only to find a note attached to the fridge saying "Dear Eric, as you may or may not remember, we have a show at that one shop across the street scheduled for today. That major record label guy is supposed to be there. We regret having gone without you, but it seemed our only choice. We sincerely hope you recover. Oh also after you went full out depressed insane Suzaku became some kind of facist self-declared leader and threatened to slingshot us if we didn't adhere to his creative direction. He's currently in the closet on a heavy dose of Valium. Try not to wake him." Eric would have been more concerned about this development if he were not still depressed and slightly high. Suddenly a knock was heard at the door, and Eric staggered over to answer it. Everything that happened next was a rush. Apparently Eric had been ordering pizza delivery with a credit card connected to an empty bank account, and the pizzeria from which he was ordering was an Italian mafia front. Not surprisingly, the mob was not happy that they were not being paid for their pizza, and promptly knocked Eric unconscious and proceeded to "reposes" some of his possessions. Eric awoke bruised to find their TV missing, along with Lukas' extensive pornography collection (though he preferred the term "erotica"). Eric called the police about the beating and robbery. The police came, but rather than assist Eric, they arrested him for drug possession and for funding the Italian mafia.


While sitting in jail, Eric encountered an old man with a harmonica. This man taught Eric the ways of the instrument (though had Eric known what this man was in jail for, he probably would not have wanted to put his mouth to his harmonica). Eric was called forward to make his one phone call. While making his way to the jail phone, Eric had a flash of clarity; he immediately recalled the nature of one specific song he wrote during his depressed ecstasy fit, and from his memory, it was fucking brilliant. He knew how he must use this phone call. Back at the apartment, a Valium-ed Suzaku heard his cell phone ring in the dark of the closet

"Heyyyyyy Suzaku herreee.... dude I love phones..."

"Suzaku, listen it's Eric, I have something important to tell you."

"Dude have you ever just like, chilled in our closet? It's fuckin sick in here man..."

"Suzaku listen... I wrote this song-"

"Can I slingshot it?"

"um... sure. Now listen-"

"Awesome"

"...anyway. Suzaku, I need you to do something. Go into my room, and there's this song I wrote. I think I remember stapling it to my ceiling. You can't miss it."

"youuuu got it bro"

"Next, I need you to take a cell phone pic of the song, send it to the others, and get them to play it. They're all still at the show right?"

"Dude seriously, this closet man... this fuckin closet..."

"Suzaku focus. I need you to-"

"There's like, coat hangers and shit. It's hype as hell"

This dialogue went on for far longer than Eric would have liked, but eventually Suzaku did as he was asked. In order to communicate the details of the song to the other band members per Eric's instructions, Suzaku organized a Skype conference call with the others who were all at the show (using their phones during a scheduled intermission), except for Christmas, who was currently stuck in traffic on his way back from jury duty (but who joined the call nonetheless). Back at the apartment, Suzaku opened up GarageBand, and prepared for Eric's master plan. The band began to play Eric's master song through Skype, except for Emil, who had been mistakenly sent a different of Eric's drug induced songs, this one being little more than a free jazz rendition of the My little Pony: Friendship is Magic Theme. Christmas forgot that he was still part of the conference call, and honked his horn angrily in traffic. This made it into the mix. Eric's song had been reduced to two songs and honking, and to make matters worse he was pretty sure Suzaku had just passed out on the keyboard. He knew what had to be done. Through the prison phone, Eric raised his newly acquired harmonica, and managed to turn the MLP theme, an ecstasy induced dissonance fest, angry honking, and the sound of Suzaku falling on a keyboard over into a thing of beauty, purely by the merit of his harmonica prowess. The police around Eric were mesmerized by the music, and immediately let him go free. For the first time all month, Eric was happy, and his song was getting The Flow more attention than ever.

SEPTEMBER 2013

This one evening at 'That One Shop Across The Street' proved to be Plastic Lunchtime Flow's big break. A local blogger gave a rave review of the gig, highly praising "That one song that wasn't named but was better than Sex" and giving The Flow greater attention than they had received so far. After booking them a week later for 3 consecutive sellout dates, the band became the darlings of the local music publications. As September began, Lukas and Eric sign a record deal 'Chainsaw and Charlie's Records'

Back in the lap of luxury, despite the squalid apartment they still shared, Eric was once again a happy man. While Lukas would later comment he was worried Eric was still hurt on the inside, he decided not to bring it up. The whole band was happy apart from Suzuka who claims he didn't like C&C Records from the moment he stepped in the place. However he was contradicted by Eric who claims he had never seen Suzuka happier than the time he, Christmas and Kryb broke a teddy claw crane in the companies lounge.

With more than 30 songs wrote and recorded already as demos progress came quick and fast. Eric was becoming more telling with his desire to be a rock icon. He would insist only recording if his framed picture of 'Sufjan Stevens' was behind him and spending over $500 on "hats he would wear when famous". It soon became clear he could no longer fund such reckless pursuits and while Christmas was with Kryb perfecting the guitar and bass for a track, stole his car and sold it. Upon being interviewed about this incident in 2021 Eric would say "Walking back into recording studio was difficult. I screwed up badly. I violated the trust of my band mates. Even though Christmas insisted I'm aloud to borrow it and didn't seem to grasp the situation at all, I still felt terrible. I knew I was spiraling down a dark road. I had to stop my excess. I had to stop the obscene amounts of ecstasy. I knew from that day forward I should be someone my band could trust. It was what they deserved. More importantly, it was the life I deserved". Considering the events which transpired between this one and the interview it becomes clear the only thing Eric deserves is a slap.

Overall, September was a fruitful time for the band. Songs such as 'The Flow's First Show', 'Love Me All Day', 'The Spiral Staircase Of Love', 'Courageous', 'It's Hard (The Pizza When It's Cold)' and the still untitled masterpiece were all definite choices for the album and a large collection of other tracks were avaliable for The Flow to choose from. While recording these in the record labels very own studio, the owner of the label, Seymour Stainer, would come down to watch the band. Described by Emil as "a businessman who'd fund a drug addiction if the addicts' controversy sold more records" he was soon an irritating but tolerable presence. One time, he asked Christmas if he could play his guitar. Christmas yielded out of fear of repercussion should he not as well as the perpetually massive grin he possessed (which, while a source of jokes amongst his bandmates, was something of horror for him due to his Odontophobia) and Seymour began to strum 'Wild Thing'. The band were annoyed with this abrupt display but none more so than Suzuka, who Lukas feared was about to attack him over the racket. Fortunately, he only drew the slingshot just as Seymour left the room looking pretty smug he was "in the band" and hit the door. Destroying the guitar (for being played by his hands) he began to rant and rave how much he hated the guy. While sensing an appending fight, the band found the hate Suzuka gave them was now completely directed at his his "new mortal enemy. The man of the shadow. Anthesis of free spirit in the metaphysical realm. Enemy of coathangers. The charlatan of the interdimensional metaphysical excuse of stardust light hubris..." carrying on for over half an hour where it became blindingly obvious he was higher than the sun.

September 23rd the polished version of 'Courageous' is announced as a single to a fanbase that had only be growing while they were away. It will be out sometime in October on 7" vinyl and download. Eric is eager to record a video but no promises for such a thing are made. The album title remains a mystery and while 'The Flow's First Album' has been knocked around, Lukas has all but shot the suggestion down.

The rest of the month the band try spend all the time they can inside C&C Records to avoid being in their cramped apartment. On the night of the 30th, Suzuka, who had been missing in action all day, bursts into the apartment wearing a motorcycle helmet and a huge suitcase which was soaking wet. He throws it down, almost hitting Emil, who had been sleeping on the floor, in the head. The Wolffy Wolf and Kryb run out their room armed with a chair and a bear bottle. "He just stood their... grinning" The Wolffy Wolf recalled the night "Just grinning like the wacko he is. Then he says "You want your album title, I got your album title..."

October 2013

After days of bribes and brawls, Suzaku finally decides there ie enough suspense within the band to tell the name of the album title. After gathering all members, Suzaku proudly announces

"Darling of the Tree"

All the members wonder what on Earth Suzaku is talking about until Emil works up the courage to ask Suzaku what it means. Suzaku plainly responds, I was riding my motorbike in the park and some girl said come up here, so I did and we had the best sex ever. And it was so good, we fell off the tree into the lake. That's why I'm wet.

The members who were clearly moved by his amazing speech immediately rung up C&C to say the new album title. While on the phone, the band were told the album had gone off to mixing and would be available in the USA on 11 November, and the UK would receive the album on 13 November. The rest of the world would recive it on 16 November if sales had been relatively successful.

On 7 October the single Courageous was released, with the song going for 2:55. It was praised by fans and many indie fanatics but sadly in week 1 did not make the Billboard charts.

The band continued gigging for another 3 weeks, with Eric clearly taking on the role of it being his band, with Eric often coming out in flamboyant clothing, and acting like the boss. Lukas continued steadily on the drums, Emil continued to be an outsider but still played solid electric cello, Kryb was arrested twice, both for robbery, Christmas hippy heritage proved to be a hit amongst fans at a few gigs, Wolffy Wolf continued to scribble down random lyrics, but felt happy his lyrics would be on an album soon and Suzaku almost killed a fan after he attempted to slingshot a knife at them, but was stopped when Wolffy Wolf tackled him before he could do it. Suzaku believed it was Seymour Stainer.

The band was thriving, tensions were increasing but still low, and had an album on the way.

November 2013

Excited for the new release, the band members decided to have a "before party" (1 day before the release of the album in the USA, previously they just did a few local shows) in celebration. They were glad they finally made it somewhere in the music industry and knowing their album is coming out soon made the hype even better. That night they got drunk as hell, and unfortunately, despite his calm disposition, Wolfy Wolf is crazy when he gets drunk. The band members had to follow him across their city to make sure he didn't get in trouble, but unfortunately, they were drunk too! They sloppily followed him as fast as they could, but alas, the Wolfy Wolf out ran them and everyone other than Wolfy Wolf passed out on a school playground.

The next day, when they woke up, the band members returned to their area of residence and brainstormed on where Wolfy Wolf could, but then the news turned on. They couldn't believe what they saw! It was Wolfy Wolf doing an interview on the news. Apparently he had captured a criminal who was incognito, a wanted criminal in fact. His interview was mainly a bunch of random and incoherent slurs which none could understand, the band members assumed he was still in the after effects of being drunk. Luckily the band members formulated a plot to take full advantage of this, they called Wolfy Wolf's cell phone. When he answered the band members told him to put his phone on loud speaker and so he did. They then promoted their album all over the news and with this, the hype for the album had increased 10 fold.

The day of the release had arrived and everyone was excited for it. The band members had lost a lot of the tension that had appeared previously because of the big day. It finally happened though, the album was released in America! The celebrated once again, except it was a toned down celebration where they just ate some cake. The rest of the month went by quickly with their album being released everywhere it should be on the correct dates. They didn't know what to do next, everything went by so fast. Their album had reached fairly good spots on the billboard hot 100 thanks to all the publicity. The albums also met with a fair amount of critical acclaim and many magazines and online websites gave them the honor of being "a band to look out for".

Eric suggested they go on a world wide tour, but some of the other band members claimed that would be a bit too much for them right now. This had infuriated Eric as this could propel him into the stardom he wanted so badly. A huge argument pursued a few comments and the members almost began to brawl. Luckily, Chee was out stealing some nuts from the local squirrels earlier that day and threw a few at the band members. This had gotten everyone to chuckle which then turned into a group laugh. At that moment they were on good terms, but they knew that this debate would happen once again in the near future.

December 2013

While The Flows's endeavors had gained both notoriety and praise amongst critics, their chart sucess was soon to fizzle out with an exit from the charts after a peak at 49. Despite no impact on the singles chart, 'Courageous', 'Love Me All Day' and [insert name of dividebyzero's song here] were brought on vinyl by fans and were very popular on streaming websites. While nowhere near the heights of their future success they had modest income and Lukas, Wolffy Wolf and Eric were all planning to look for their own apartments in the new year. Christmas Davis, was unhappy with this suggestion because he didn't want to have the band separated. However Suzuka was on hand to solve the problem by preparing a permanent address for the band and giving them privacy at the same time. Well if by "preparing a permanent address" you mean aiming his slingshot and "giving them privacy" you mean giving them a hit on the head then yes, he solved the problem. He solved it good.

In the following week of the albums release a 8 show tour was hastily prepared for December. Centered around Chicago and the North East they were to take further than they had been since their shows in Las Vegas. The first few dates were sold out and well received by an army of old and new fans alike. After one show Christmas and Emil went to the merchandise stand because they heard Chee was being mischievous down there. When there they were immediately recognized by fans and signed a lot of albums and took many pictures. While many preferred being seen with Christmas and Chee, who they assumed was Christmas's pet on the basis he looked like the type of guy who owned monekys, they both returned with tales of their new found stardom. The band feel uplifted by this story apart from Eric who says it is no big deal. Upon being teased by Suzuka and Lukas that he is jealous he wasn't the centre of attention for a change, Eric insists he will go out on the next night and they will cheer so loud that they will be heard from backstage.

The next show was in Fairfax, VA. The furthest south Plastic Lunchtime Flow would go on their December tour, Lukas would later describe it as "fitting" as it would be one of the lowest points in The Flow's career so far. However The Wolffy Wolf would much later describe at as "hilarious in retrospect" in his biography.
During the morning of the 11 December 2013, a blogger going by the name 'The Sad Cabbage' leaked information regarding C&C Records dealings with major publications. Deals which include sending money, tickets to holidays in faraway destinations, free cleaners, prostitutes and narcotics in exchange for radio plays and reviews praising their acts. While it is generally agreed upon by today's greatest minds this was the sole reason for the phenomena known as "Limp Bizkit", it was shrug worthy news back in 2013. It is thought little would have paid attention if there hadn't have been a leaked conversation with Seymour Stainer with the details. The audio explained how Seymour was getting the reviewers to empathize the bands as "arty, hip and so indie they make other indie bands drive SUVs" and the infamous "those hipsters are so stupid, I could take a band which sounds like anything in the top 40 and convince them they are groundbreaking. I could hand garbage to them and they will take to it like milk". Despite such strong words, all that was registered was the word "mainstream" in the teary eyes who found the evidence. Furthermore, all of the anger was inexplicably directed at the bands/artists involved and C&C Records received little to no backlash. No one is certain as to why none blamed C&C Records and the only explanation put forward has come from the great philosopher TAXuS33-1-17 who simply said "Because humans are idiots".

While Lukas and The Wolffy Wolf had been be alerted to news during the early evening, neither were prepared for the hostile reception they were to receive on stage. People booed, turned on the few who cheered and threw rimmed glasses, bottles and shoes at the band. "It was mental yeah" Christmas recalled "Looked ready to bash our heads in. One threw a bottle of lemonade right near my foot, now I don't do violence so I said in my head "Win em with kindness Christmas" and I took the lemonade, gave em a thumbs up and drunk half it. The person who threw it couldn't stop laughin yeah. As long as the world is laughin at something, it's all good."

During the song 'Courageous' someone threw a goat onstage which began to kick and destroy the equipment in a blind panic. Fed up with the "injustice" he was suffering, Eric uttered into his microphone "that does it you Appalachian piece of ****" and jamp into the crowd to attack the burly looking guy in dungarees who he was sure had thrown it. As Eric, the man and his goat ran and chased each other around the venue in turn, Suzuka directed the band to continue to play, jamming "in time with the action" with Suzuka doing a rare performance with an accordion he hadn't played since he was 10. This gave the closest thing 'The Flow' got to applause all night.

Once the dreadful gig was over the band were locked backstage by security for their own safety. Not forgetting his promise, Eric escaped the safe area to his band members horror and preceded to the merchandise stand in the lobby. Finding it in wreckage and a large crowd who were beating each other for being "flow fan scum" Eric leapt onto a table and yelled "Which of you kids wants an autograph?". Almost blinded by tears and rage after seeing his former idol engage in such "rockist" behavior, one man lunged at him with an umbrella. After a moment of horror that this bearded philosophy major had impaled him, Eric realized it had merely stuck between his arm and chest. What preceded was a fight which resulted in 32 arrests and 11 injuries. Miraculously, not one of the arrests were for Eric who before he left the venue that night was found screaming "IT'S OVER! I'M DONE! IT'S OVER!"

The bands facebook page dwindled to a few hundred likes and a small hardcore base over night. The rest of the December tour was a shambles and Lukas was left to pick up the pieces as Eric disappeared off the radar afterwards. Calling C&C Records yielded voice mail messages and no replies and after a few days Lukas finally took the time to visit Seymour himself. There he found him occupied a 7 piece all girl slowcore band. Managing to suppress the urge to punch Seymour after he said they'll start a genre called "girlcore" he learned this new band will be C&C Records biggest act and will replace Plastic Lunchtime Flow as their main seller. Lukas left the studio angry and disappointed.

December 20 Kryb simply walked out and never returned and The Wolffy Wolf called to say all his efforts will be going into his shop for now on. The day after Emil announced he was going back to Romania to see his parents. Christmas would pass with Lukas, Suzuka, Chee, Christmas and The Wolffy Wolf wondering what went wrong with cheap booze, crackers and 'Toy Story' DVD set. Christmas insisted this was the best christmas ever while Lukas would say he thought the next one would be met with the group as strangers. The Wolffy Wolf however had provided a boast in income by rubbing off the bands name from merchandise and sticking 'The Stone Roses' over it and the final week of the year was met with parties and nights out as the band faced the prospect of their uncertain future with nervous laughter and indulgence.

On 31st December, lying face down in a room filled with mannequins he had dressed with his costumes, Eric woke at 5pm in the evening. There hadn't been any ecstasy since 3 days ago and all the pages he had saved for lyics had been defaced with drunken crayon scrawlings of David Bowie. His true love, the band he practiced with all year and now his writing talent had all gone. He wasn't defeated however. Eric said in that moment he knew he wasn't going down without a fight. "I knew I was leading one of the greatest bands in history, it was in my stars. I was put here to be a leader amongst rockstars, the gods placed the keyboard in my hands when others still had toys (No seriously, Eric said all this) and it was the reason they gave me hands. My hands stir life with their strokes, my index is a pencil (No... Seriously...) which creates poetry in the minds of boys and girls. I am the Freddie of the Yamaha (No you're an irritating pretentious git, Eric. Sue me) and the stage was where I belonged. I was down but I wasn't beaten yet."

Setting out late in night he sought his band to no avail. He didn't recognize this part of town and the several inches of snow below him was not helping. Feeling he was getting no where he finally asked directions to his part of town from a drunk reveler nearby. It was only then the full horror of the situation became apparent.
"I was lost and the cold was getting to me. I finally swallowed my pride and approached a guy who had been kicked out from a pub nearby. Before I could ask him for directions he put my arm around his shoulders. I can still hear the words he said, probably because he yelled them so close to my ear... he... he said "Happy New Year eh!" And in that moment, all the streets, the signs and clothes.. it all made sense. I was in Canada."

[Kiki]

January 2014 - June 2014


January 2014

Eric was drunk. Really, really drunk. On January 3, 3 days after he had gotten drunk, he was found on a small park bench in Vancouver with a bong in hand, bottles of beer all around, and seemingly in a deep coma. The jogger who found him reported him to the police and called an ambulance.

Eric remained in a critical but stable coma for about a week before being contacted on his phone by a concerned Lukas. The nurse attending him answered not realising it had been on in his pocket the entire week he'd been in a coma. After Lukas discovered the news, he and Christmas quickly raced up to see how their friend was going in the coma.

While there, Lukas and Christmas realised that they really didn't have anywhere to go without Eric, and Eric would need them as well. They decided to get the band back together. Forgetting Eric was likely to go to prison for drug possession, Lukas and Christmas quickly rang Chee, Suzaku and Wolffy Wolf and managed to get them to come back to the hospital where Eric was where they slep on the floor.


Songs started flowing rapidly and when on Jan 20 Eric awoke from his coma, it all seemed to be going good. Kryb was also convinced to come back to America, partly to escape from the police searching for a young man who "accidentally" burnt down a house.

While the band was in a state of turmoil yet happiness at being back together, they realise they had no record company as C&C had dropped, Emil was uncontactable because of the lack of telephones in Romania, and Eric was sentenced to 3 months imprisonment for drug possession. But the band soldiered on, not giving a care in the world about all the hate happening on their facebook page.

February 2014

Lukas took it upon himself to look at the criticism on Facebook, leading him down an insomniac path. For three days straight, Lukas remained on the internet. Wolffy Wolf, concerned that he had not seen some of the band members at rehearsals, went to Lukas' home and found him. Lukas, just before being pulled away from the computer received a message from someone.

Lukas returned to the studio with a copy of the message. It read:
Dear Lukas,

It has been so long and I hadn't heard from you from you. Hope all is well. I was cleaning out my room, as I am moving in with one of the my friends, and found your CD! I listened to it again, well actually for the first time. See Lukas, I never listened to that CD. I thought it was a corny collection of songs and I never realised you created them yourself. It was amazing! You had talent then. Hopefully you are continuing to do something musical. Anyways, I will let you go and talk soon.
Love Andrea

Suzaku cried throughout the whole message. The other members were unsure what significance this had. Lukas decided to give the band a listen of the CD, Fragments Of The Heart, to see if anything could be used for the next release.

On February 12, the band came back to rehearsals. However Kryb had become obsessed with the CD and did not remove his headphones from his head since his initial listen. Suzaku and Christmas decided to rework the track 'Aorta.' The band worked on the song for the next few rehearsals and released the song online for the fans to hear. Initial comments seemed dismal until Andrea posted a link to the original CD Lukas made. She had uploaded it and credited Lukas as an "under-appreciated producer and artist." This caused a tension in the band, with Suzaku ripping the headphones off of Kryb, resulting in hellish screams and both leaving the studio.

Chee and Lukas visited Eric in jail on the 20th and told him all that had happened. Eric was concerned that the band needed their leader (as Eric proclaimed himself) and devised a plan to leave the jail. His final words to Lukas was: The butter needs the bread in order to survive.

Two days after, Kryb, after screaming for 7 days, finally stopped and declared that "A salad roll is not a lunch option," skipped out of the studio to not be seen again.

The last Facebook post for the month read: Dysfunctional is the only way to be.

March 2014

From the very start of March, things just went from bad to worse. Lukas, knowing Eric all too well, understood that his bread and butter comment was far from the incoherent ramblings of an imprisoned druggie. It was a very specific incoherent rambling of an imprisoned druggie. Every day for a week, Lukas would visit Eric in prison, and surreptitiously slip a stick of better through the bars, which Eric would then proceed to hide under his mattress. After he had acquired enough of these sticks of butter, he proceeded to wait until he was not being watched, strip naked, and coat himself in the butter. Following this, slipping through the bars was easy. Eric chose a random direction and ran, quickly ramming into a guard. The guard attempted to grab Eric, but the butter coated egotist easily slid out of his grasp, all the while continually exclaiming “THE BREAD NEEDS BUTTER IN ORDER TO SURVIVE”. Eric got about as far as the next row of cells before he was tazed. He awoke clothed in an interrogation room. Before the police had a chance to test out their newly created “good cop, surrealist cop routine”, Eric simply burst out screaming “THE ONE WITH THE MONKEY. IT WAS ALL HIS IDEA. I’M INNOCENT I TELL YOU. I BET THE MONKEY THOUGHT UP THE WHOLE SCHEME. NEVER TRUST A MONKEY WHO CAN PLAY THE DRUMS! MONKEYS ARE NOT MADE TO PLAY INSTRMENTS! IT’S NOT NATURAL!” The disappointed surrealist cop disappointedly put down his shaved rabbit and transparent cheerios box and proceeded to arrest the owner of the monkey. 15 minutes later they returned with Christmas, their evidence for his arrest being that “he looked like the type of guy who owned monkeys”. Eventually they realized that Lukas was the true owner of the monkey, and imprisoned him instead. Christmas objected to this whole development, and his objections soon led him to be sharing a cell with his two band mates. The police also arrested Chee, just for good measure. Lukas and Christmas were still both permitted one phone call. Realizing that calling Suzaku would only lead in a disastrous attempt to break them out of jail, Christmas called Emil. Unfortunately for all of them, while everyone was busy getting arrested, and Suzaku was busy doing whatever it is Suzaku does, Emil had been deported to Romania after having been tried for multiple accounts of arson. A dejected Lukas heard the news, and solemnly used his phone call to order a large pepperoni pizza. On the last day of the month, Suzaku found himself unfortunately sober, and decided to take it out by slingshotting someone, but his band mates where nowhere to be seen. Wondering where his targets had gone, Suzaku wandered the city, only getting off track on his search twice, once to buy more booze, and once to poke holes in all the cup noodles at the local college campus, because apparently booze turns Suzaku into a borderline sadist. Suzaku soon found his way to the prison, and was distraught at the current situation. It would seem that every one of Suzaku’s friends was currently imprisoned in one way or another. He did not know whether to be upset at his friends predicament, or simply confused that somehow he was the once who stayed out of jail. Suzaku wondered home, drunk, and in a rarely melancholy mood. He knew what he had to do. Upon arriving back at the apartment, Suzaku began the research necessary to bust his friends out of prison. He placed a ski-mask on hold at the local sport store, found information on the layout of the prison, and illegally downloaded every movie listed on cracked.com’s list of “the top 8 greatest prison escape movies of all time”.